I Don't Date Idiots
by Code Name Gill
Summary: All Shisui was to Utakata was an annoyingly happy idiot who talked too much, but then came a group project when circumstance made him work with said idiot, he begins to see a different side to him. Shisui X Utakata ShiUtaShi. Also KisaIta.
1. Chapter 1

Utakata didn't need an introduction when he walked into the room. He was already sure that many of the kids felt threatened by him. Afterall, he was at the top of his class since he was seven years old and had a bigger ego than anyone had ever seen. It was only fitting that he eventually decided to pursue a career in business and marketing.

He was like any good businessman; forceful, serious, and quick mouthed. He also hated stupid people. That was his one pet peeve. Stupid people pissed him off, but it seemed those idiots had been weeded out in his first year of college.

He was now in the middle of his second year and while the college life seemed to be fun for everyone else, Utakata really hated it. He didn't see all the hype in being a sophomore in college. All of his peers were running around saying 'we made it past freshman year, time to drink it up.' Utakata had other things to worry about like work and a GPA.

He was never afraid to speak his mind or tell anyone how he felt. That was his biggest problem, but one of the things that made him the most honest person he knew.

So just like the frank person he was, he didn't mind lecturing his roommate on the importance of covering food up before you put it in the microwave. What was this kid, stupid?

His roommate's name was Mangetsu, a swimmer who enjoyed doing whatever he wanted, when he wanted. He didn't have a high IQ, and Utakata was sure if he wasn't one of the best on the swim team, he would be tossed out of the college on his ass.

"Has your mother ever taught you about a little invention called the 'microwave.'" Utakata frowned at his roommate, who sat on his bed nude; the only thing covering his thin frame was the corner of his cover, which fell between his legs.

"I mean yeah, but I didn't think that soup would pop all over that microwave." Mangetsu scratched his platinum blond hair. "Why don't you loosen up a bit or something? No need to be so serious all the damn time."

"It's serious when your roommate always walks around with his junk out and can't cover up his food in the microwave. Every time I open it, there's load and loads of God knows what caked inside of the microwave."

"It's fuckin' seven in the morning. Can't we talk about this at a more sensible time?" Mangetsu reached down and scratched his manhood.

"Fuckin' disgusting." Utakata groaned and walked out of his roommate's room. "By the way it's not seven o'clock it's one PM." He stomped back into his room and snatched his backpack from his bed. He had to be at his advertising class at one thirty.

On his way to class, Utakata remembered something. In addition to idiots, stupid people and morons, another thing that he absolutely despised was group projects which was something he'd be working on in his next class. Group projects were always near the top of his hate list under morons and idiots because he'd always have to work with a stupid person or someone who didn't live up to his wasn't anything wrong with being better than the rest of the competition was there?

Utakata had always had the best group projects since he was in the first grade. Hell. He even had to upstage all the kids for show and tell. While they brought in dolls and Legos, Utakata brought in birds and animals.

He walked out of his apartment building wearing a pair of jeans and a black sweater. It was mid fall and the weather had turned into a cloudy, crummy mess.

"FUCKIN riot." Two idiots on skate boards yelled as they passed Ukataka, almost knocking him off the sidewalk.

"Watch where you're going!" Utakata shouted at them as they laughed about being idiots and doing stupid shit.

This is why I hate college. These people are just adult babies.

When he arrived to his classroom, he wasn't at all surprised to find that he was the first one there and he wasn't bothered by it in the least. Being the first one there meant he had the freedom of choosing where to sit which wasn't a hard choice. Utakata always sat in the back in order to tune out the clamor of the idiots surrounding him.

It was 1:20pm according to the clock above the dry erase board plastered in the front of the room. Class doesn't start for another ten minutes, he thought and turned his attention to his phone where he pulled up a website for his favorite nature reserve. According to this one article, a new aviary being constructed was expected to be complete by Christmas break.

He was focused on his screen when students began filling the classroom, some walked in texting, some laughing and giggling alone (weirdos), and one girl was even on the phone having a full conversation.

"Itachi bro." Here came the classroom idiot, Shisui Uchiha. Shisui was a pretty nice guy. That didn't make him any less annoying and someway somehow he picked the same major as Utakata and they shared four classes together. If that didn't annoy him enough, the guy had to sit by him too.

"Shisui not now." Itachi stated. Itachi Uchiha was a freshman who didn't seem to care much about Shisui's long tangents during the seventy five minutes they spent in class. Utakata was impressed by how smart Itachi was, he had tested out of most of the pre requisites and did some college classes in high school -so he was technically a sophomore.

"Why not Itachi? I need you to do this for me." Shisui groaned.

"I'm not going out to a party with you." Itachi said. "I'd rather spend my nights spooning my eyes out. Slowly."

"Oh Itachi why so morbid, man?" Shisui sighed. "You never want to do anything fun. I'll ask Kisame and see what he says."

"Hitting up the town with your roommate and underage drinking," Itachi seemed to ponder on the idea for a moment. " sounds like a blast and jail time."

"You don't know how to have fun." Shisui complained.

Utakata didn't know why the hell he was listening, but he didn't have anything better to do. It wasn't like they were having a boring conversation either.

They continued to talk; Shisui tried to get his cousin to go out and "enjoy" college life, and explained how much fun they could have and they could meet other angsty college kids.

Utakata was glad when the professor walked in and caught everyone's attention because now he didn't have to listen to Shisui and his cousin talk about going out to a party.

"Hello, how are you guys?" Mei Terumi smiled as he she flipped her long hair over her shoulder, Utakata almost laughed at the shy boy in front, Choujuro. The boy gawked at her like she was a goddess sent from heaven.

Utakata continued to laugh silently Mei began to tell them about her weekend. Every week it was the same three topics: there wasn't any good men in the world business writing, and her going out alone. This weekend she said she found herself at the beach (probably in search of men).

"So now let's get to the main event," Mei smirked as she ran her fingers through her fiery locks, "the group project. I always loved doing group projects when I was in college,"

Good for you. Utakata thought bitterly.

"especially when the professor assigned us to complete the project in pairs,"

So you could make googly eyes at your male companion?

"because it prepares you for when you graduate to the real world and get married - which is a union, or a partnership."

Get on with it already. Only she would relate a group project to marriage.

"However," she sighed, "since we have an odd number in the class, I think I'm going to have you work in groups of three. How sad...three's a crowd."

The class was silent as she continued on her endless rant.

"So I will let you guys pick your groups this time." She said, "and don't leave anybody out. It's mean. Everyone deserves someone. Everyone has their time. Their time to find someone to love and hold and never let go. Then all of a sudden you become clingy and they change their number and tell you they want nothing to do with you. Then you're alone and there goes your dreams of wearing a white dress. A white dress…"

This woman was very entertaining.

"Oh excuse me." She straightened her hair and stared at the class, wearing a light smile. "I don't know what came over me at that moment. Maybe I saw a movie or something the other day…Heh…"

"I think our teacher could benefit from some sex and that's how you'll end up Itachi if you don't go out and live while you're young." Shisui joked. Utakata rolled his eyes, tired of Shisui's voice.

"Hush." Itachi responded. "I'm sure I won't end up like our teacher. I don't place such a high value on marriage."

"God Itachi are you like this all the time? All angry and depressing."

"Alright how about we get back to it?" The professor tried to steer the class away from her rant. "Let's pick our groups."

Within moments Utakata was speechless as all the other classmates got together in groups. He was still alone. Dammit. That's what he got for not making nice with all the other students over the course of the first six weeks.

"Hmmm…" Utakata looked around for an available person. Each group seemed like they had a team of three already.

"Hey." Utakata turned to face a familiar voice that wore a light smile on his face. "Would you like to partner with me and Itachi?"

"Oh…" Utakata didn't want to be mean, but they weren't the ones he wanted to partner with. Although Shisui seemed to do well in class, he didn't strike Utakata as being one of the brightest students. He lacked common sense and that would drag Utakata down along with his grade.

"C'mon we could have fun and party hard. I mean, with books of course, and you're like in three of my other classes so we can communicate easily." They hadn't said much of anything to each other, yet he'd noticed him? "C'mon what do ya say?"

"Okay." Utakata looked at it this way. Either he grouped with them or he waited and group with some other losers in class. At least Itachi was in this particular group and he was smart, so…

"Good now we have three people Itachi." Shisui smiled at his cousin who didn't seem to care if their third group member was a chair or a crumpled up wad of paper. "This is going to be the best group project ever." Shisui was always so hopeful about something, at least that was what Utakata had observed from listening to all his conversations. Not that he wanted to, but Shisui always took a seat near him so it was hard to tune the imbecile out.

"We should probably exchange phone numbers and email addresses." Shisui declared and patted his person for something to write with. "Itachi, do you have a pen or a pencil or-?"

"So what's your name?" Itachi asked Utakata, a pen and paper already in hand.

"Utakata." He said with a blank expression. He didn't know whether to smile or be endearing. He wasn't good with emotions so he found it better to be expressionless.

"So let's exchange information." Itachi got down to business while his cousin was grinning, probably thinking of ways to turn this group project into some sick friendship.

They quickly exchanged information, during which Shisui tried to give him information to Itachi as a joke.

"Very funny." Itachi didn't have a smile on his face.

"HaHa..It's funny because you already have it." Shisui began to laugh.

So immature.

"We're going to have so much fun, Utakata." Shisui beamed. "It's going to be us three against the world!"

"Sounds delightful." Utakata inwardly rolled his eyes. How could he be so excited about something as mundane as a group project? Utakata was sure Shisui had done one before, but the way he was acting it seemed he'd never heard of the concept. And he just assumeed Utakata was going to be his friend and be all "yeah it's us against the rest of the bitches in the class?" Seriously.

"Alright now for the details of the group project." The professor said. She explained that they had to come up with a product and pitch it to the class and market it. She wanted them to compare it against other competitors and explain why their project was the best and why the consumer should buy this product. "See it's like when you go out on a date and you have to pitch yourself to the other person because they know nothing about you. It's hard and sometimes it can be a hit or a miss. I've had to fail people, but I only fail people who fail to complete the assignment with all the necessary requirements, such as research and etc."

"We're going to get an A." Shisui rubbed his hands together like he had a plan.

"Alright. I'm going to let you converse with your groups for a while and then you're dismissed for today." She said.

Utakata turned his attention to Shisui and Itachi.

"So do any of you have ideas for a product?" Shisui asked. "Maybe we could do like a laptop or a phone…there are so many possibilities." Utakata stopped listening after the word phone

"No. Maybe we can think of some between now and next class period and talk about some?" Itachi suggested. "If that's alright with guys?"

"Yeah." Utakata said. "I'll give it some thought and see what I come up with."

"Alright well I'll see you Thursday." Itachi said.

Utakata gathered his things, ready to go. He couldn't wait to get back to his apartment. This was his last class today, afterall.

The happy one, Shisui, approached him. "Hey um…well since we're going to be working together. I was wondering did you want to go out tonight, you know I like dancing, college fun. I'm trying to get my cousin to go, but he's a stick in the mud who wants to study."

"I don't think so." Utakata shrugged. "I'm busy tonight." Did I say something that made him feel so comfortable to ask me to join him in his rendezvous.

"Some other night then?" Shisui imposed.

"I don't know when I'll be free." Utakata said. "Catch ya later." Utakata walked off, leaving Shisui and his cousin behind. He had better things to do than go out with Shisui.

He most certainly didn't want to 'catch Shisui later.' He would rather not to talk to him until the next class session, but sadly he had his number and email address and they had other class periods together.

IDDI~

 **So what did you think?**

 **This story was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend. They were asking me about potential people for Shisui and it took us a while to pick one. Over the course of picking name Utakata came up and although they didn't think it fit, I did, and here we are now. They said it was nice to see Shisui with someone other than the Uchihacest and I agree ;).**


	2. Chapter 2

Tomorrow came like a breath of fresh air. Shisui found himself enjoying his morning yoga class. The candles, the people, the professor, and especially the relaxation. There was nothing like getting all stretched out and relaxed.

"Take a deep breath, and close your eyes..." The teacher, a purple headed woman named Anko, said.

Most of the guys in class were probably taking this time to look at her breast. Shisui had heard a lot of the guys talking not so christ like about Anko's rack. Was it impressive? Shisui wouldn't know. He hadn't taken a glance at it.

"Alright. Switch…" As if on cue, everyone in class falls into child's pose. "Keep breathing. Keep breathing." One would think that it would obvious to keep breathing in a yoga class, but there have been plenty of people that forget. Just last week some girl passed out. "Alright that's all for today."

Shisui sighed. That was it? An hour flew by so fast when one was having a good time.

"I'll see you all tomorrow." Anko smiled, and everyone in the class began gathering their things.

After class, Shisui was greeted by Itachi who also took the class. He normally set up his mat far away from Shisui saying "I need this hour to relax, don't take it personal." Of course Shisui did take it personal.

"Do you feel any different?" Shisui asked Itachi as they walked out of the Yoga studio.

"Yeah. Relaxed. So now I'm sure I can go home and crank that business writing paper out." Itachi said.

"It's always work with you, eh?" Shisui fished into his pocket for his car-remote. "You know if you'd come out with me tonight-"

"You asked me last night and the answer is still the same." Shisui opened the door, and the younger Uchiha got into the car. "Besides. I wouldn't want to disturb my roommate by coming home extremely late and loud on a school night."

"Your roommate is Deidara!" Shisui cackled, as he started the engine.

"I'm considerate." With Shisui's cousin, there was always some excuse not to have fun. Itachi was barely familiar with the couches in the living room, that's how little he left his room.

"Like I said, you'll end up like Mei Terumi, and I'm just saying no one wants to end up like Mei Terumi." Shisui turned the music up a little. "I love this song. Have you heard it?"

Itachi frowned, taking a closer listen of the pop song. "No. I have not. What is this?"

"I honestly don't know. It's like bubble gum pop spirit goodness." Shisui laughed. "I'm so hungry. You want something from that burger joint up the street."

"We just got out of yoga?" Itachi shrugged.

"Yeah, but Kisame works there and we can get a discount." Shisui sighed. "And they have the best chocolate brownies."

"I didn't know your roommate worked there?" Itachi turned to look out the window.

"Yeah. He's been there since the beginning of the this month. He told me to stop by anytime he was there and he'd get us taken care of." Shisui said.

"Well it's cheap. I guess we can go." Shisui smiled at his cousin, who rolled his eyes in return.

"This is a start Itachi. Pretty soon you're gonna wanna go to parties and date!" Shisui exclaimed.

"Exciting." Itachi groaned.

After a few more moments of banter, where Shisui talked about Itachi's hair and Itachi talked about Shisui's breath, they arrived at the restaurant. It was a small dinner with the name " _Karatachi"_ on the front.

"Have you been here before?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah. Me and Kisame loved this spot last year." Kisame loved any place that dared put seafood in between two buns.

"They have burgers and what else?"

"Everything under the sun." Shisui smiled. "Especially brownies. I love brownies." Their brownies were so soft and in the center surprisingly filled with fudge. Every time Shisui thought about it, his mouth dripped with anticipation. "I haven't had one in two days." Kisame had brought him one home from work two days ago.

"Alright. C'mon. Let's try this brownie." Itachi chuckled as they got out of the car.

Shisui races into the doors and smiles when he reaches the hostess, a blonde lady wearing a worn smile. Before she can even get a hello out, Shisui bombards her with "Table for two. And we're doing alright. Do you have anymore brownies?"

"Yes. They're made fresh," she said.

"Thank you," Shisui stared at her name tag. "Samui."

"Yes. That's my name." She smiles. "Right this way."

"You'll have to excuse him. He's very excited about the brownie." Itachi said, as she escorted them to the table. It was a booth next to a window' where they could see Shisui's car. Anything else wasn't much of a view, save for the outline of the grocery store and movies across the street.

"Is Kisame here?" Shisui asked.

Samui nods.

"Okay. We want Kisame. We love Kisame." Shisui said.

"I think this is his section." Samui said. "Wow it's not everyday that someone comes in and wants Kisame."

"Well we don't want him. We need him." Shisui laughed.

"He's the roommate of my cousin." Itachi explained. "So Shisui is excited to see his roommate in action."

"Alright. I'll let him know." And with that, the blonde woman walked away from the table.

"Shisui you're really starting to overwhelm everyone." Itachi picked up his menu.

"Sorry. I'm excited." Shisui smiled. "This is the first time my roommate is going to serve us. We're gonna leave him a big tip and we're gonna get some free food." Shisui would even be excited for the opening of a paper bag. He loved anything and everything. He wanted to touch anything and everything. He'd been told once or twice that he had something of an _obsessive personality,_ but was that really a bad thing?

"I'm sure he'll be delighted, Shisui." Itachi said.

After a few moments of looking over the menu, the twosome was joined by a tall drink of water, Kisame. Kisame had the build of a football quarterback and the height of a star basketball player. He towered over most people and was very intimidating at first glance. After getting to know said man, he's actually very sweet. He was Shisui's closest friend on campus.

"So I heard you were getting on Samui's nerves." Kisame chuckled.

"Yeah. She didn't understand that we wanted Kisame." Shisui laughed.

"She thought maybe you were my lover or something. She said she'd never, in her year in a half of being here, seen someone ask for a server by name-"

"I'm sure she was shocked is all. She probably didn't think Shisui was your lover." Itachi shrugged.

"Yeah. How are you Itachi?"

"I'm fine. We just came from Yoga."

"I love yoga." Kisame said. "I wish I could do more of it, if I wasn't stuck here."

"Well on your day off, you should come with us." Shisui offered. "I started going a month ago, when you left me and my week nights were open, and I got Itachi into it. He loves it now. He ask to go by name."

"Really?" Kisame smiled. "I never took you as the type to do yoga?"

"It helps me write papers." Itachi explained.

"Always work with you." Kisame shrugged.

"I can sleep when I'm dead." Itachi said. Was Itachi ever going to go out and have fun with anyone? The answer was no. Shisui adored his cousin, but he was a party pooper and a stick in the mud. Shisui just wanted him to loosen up and have some fun. Maybe find someone to make out with instead of writing papers that are due in three weeks.

"Well you're talking to Itachi. He writes three drafts of a paper before turning it in." Shisui offered.

"Really?" Kisame laughed. "I wish I had your work ethic."

"I mean that's how I got valedictorian." Kisame and Itachi discussed Itachi's amazing grades, while Shisui studied the restaurant. It was like a diner and a family restaurant had a baby. The walls were coated in a dandelion color and the floor was covered with a yellowish-brown carpet. The carpet itself was very hard and rough, probably for easy clean up.

Then came the patrons. Mostly people were hear with their families. It was a Wednesday night of course so the place wasn't packed. There had to be at least thirteen people in this restaurant. Then Shisui's eye caught a brunette in the corner, tapping away on his phone. His face wore a snarl. That was the guy from class. "Omg look! There's our group member." Itachi and Kisame turned to see Utakata all alone on his phone with a drink that looked like lemonade place with no straw in it. "He's so alone."

"Maybe he's waiting on someone." Itachi assumed.

"Maybe we should ask him to join us?" Both Kisame and Itachi turned to look at Shisui like he'd gone mad.

"I mean he's a cool guy from what I gathered, but I don't think he wants to be friends with you." Itachi stated.

"How do you know?"

"I can tell from the way he ignored you yesterday, and his body language seemed uninterested." Itachi stated.

"That's how all friendships start! I know deep down he just has been hurt by a long line of friends and just needs me to make everything alright." Shisui said. "He has never seen or had a friend like me. Kisame, before me, have you ever had a friend that was as great as me?"

"No. There none quite like you. You're special in your own way." Kisame replied.

"Precisely. Now Itachi back up and let the master show you how it's done." Shisui smiled and strutted across the restaurant with one objective; _Convince Utakata to sit with them._ Of course friendship would come in time, but making the loner comfortable was of most importance. "Hey good lookin."

Shisui was greeted with a face of confusion from the loner, and Shisui returned one his famous smiles.

"I was joking. Heh! How are you?" Shisui didn't get an answer. "Are you thinking about that project that we have in class? Did you have an idea?" Shisui had thought about that project all last night. He couldn't come up with a single product that would be perfect.

"No. I haven't given it a second thought." Utakata didn't even look up from his phone.

"Why don't you come sit over with me and my brother, I mean cousin. Heh." Shisui laughed. "I've been so confused today. God Wednesdays are always rough."

"Hn." Utakata grunted. Shisui wondered was the young man happy about his presence? He should be. He was sitting alone at a table for two.

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"No. Utakata replied.

"Wow. What a sad thing. Going to eat by yourself. I can't imagine coming to a restaurant, like this one, and eating alone. The atmosphere practically begs for company."

"No. It's not that bad." Utakata shrugged. "It's actually very relaxing and I'd like to return-"

"Come sit with me and my brother-cousin person." Shisui interjected, jokingly. "It could be fun, you know. Just sitting talking. Getting to know each other. Working with people you know increases chances of getting a higher a grad, a new study shows."

"I haven't heard of that study."

"Yeah. I made it up." Shisui chuckled. He was always told since he was a young man that he could charm the water out of a cactus.

"I see. Honestly I just want to be alone. Is that too much to ask?"

"I just can't bear to see you alone by yourself. Please come sit with us." Shisui said.

"No."

"Alright." Shisui sighed. "Well some other time then I guess." Shisui decided it was best not to continue on the forcing. He will convince Utakata to be his friend in time. He just needed to lay the groundwork. He was not the type of person one could win through pure determination and force. He needed a plan. "Well I'll see you in class tomorrow, yes?"

"Yeah." Utakata got up.

"Where are you going?" Shisui said.

"This place is too crowded." Utakata pulled out his wallet and was looking for some money. "Darn."

"Oh I got your drink. It's on me."

"Why?" Utakata looked at him confused.

"Just being nice." Shisui smiled. "Don't mind it."

"Thanks." Utakata walked away from Shisui and out the door.

With a smile, Shisui returned to his seat. Itachi was there sitting, and Kisame had gone.

"How did your plan go?" Itachi asked.

"It went as any first plan without preparation goes." Shisui shrugged. "It was a complete failure, but by the end of this semester Itachi, he'll be our best friend. We'll be like the Heathers."

"I hope not."

"Lighten up. I was joking." Shisui smiled. "Besides now I have something to do. I'm going to befriend him."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Itachi fiddled with his straw confused.

"It is Itachi. You'll see."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I'm going to aggressively befriend him!" Shisui declared with hearty laughter.

"How vague…"


End file.
